this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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