office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize