I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
