Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
