I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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