Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
