This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
