Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
