Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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