i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
