yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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