I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
