so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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