Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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