I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
