guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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