No awkward lesbian experiences without me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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