So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
