We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
