Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
