Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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