Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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