This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
love makes seman taste better
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
