I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You smell like stripper and shame
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
