This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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