this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
