Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
