Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
