Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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