I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
