I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
