Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I AM VODKA MAN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
