I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
