shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
