I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
