try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i drank out of a bidet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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