the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
