oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think people are normalizing furries
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
