I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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