Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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