I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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