we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
