He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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