also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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