I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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