He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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