your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I could fuck to npr.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
