After last night, I could never be a politician.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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