We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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