we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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