I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
