I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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