I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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