Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
