You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
