And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
