WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
