Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
