Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize