yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
