She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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