I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
