went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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