He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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