They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
