What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
