i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
