doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
