I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
