Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
