If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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