I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
