I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
