I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
