Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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