Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
