im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
