Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
