A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
