his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize