actually, I'm a sock model
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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