Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
