we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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