You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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