You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
