i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
