You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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