Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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