She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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