she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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