This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
