there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
