I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
