i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
