i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
