At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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