There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
