Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
