You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have aggressive nipples.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
