you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
