Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
